I'm breaking down, I'm breaking down.

But I can't, can I? I won't allow myself to. It's too early to do that; it's not worth doing that, ever, at any time.

Oh, you don't understand. I could tell you, but maybe I'm not brave enough. You don't understand.

我不怕，我为什么会怕？就像你说的，我对华文没有信心。你为什么说到O水准考试去了呢？我考到B3没关系，我都没有说是世界末日，我都没有想过会是世界末日……我也没想过要拿A1，因为我知道我的华文没有那么好。如果我是要拿到A1，是因为我想看到你为我高兴而已。你从来没说过我好，只会指出我错在哪里，你说我怎能对华文有信心呢？你都没有鼓励我，只有指出我的毛病……你以为我不已经知道我好差吗？你叫我怎样有信心？你叫我怎样不哭？我的压力，你是不懂的。我只是要有人在那里鼓励我，我不用人家告诉我考不好没关系，因为我已经知道了。我知道！

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I wanted to blog about the nice, long conversations I had with Nat, Gina and Faith on Friday, and with Izzy on Saturday when we went to the Career Fair at Suntec after Founder's Day, but I don't feel up to it now.

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Maybe the reason I desire so, so much to fly is that I want to escape from life for a while. From school, from responsibility, from everything... Just freeze time, take a break, run away... I want to fly. I want to fly away.

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I love my mum.

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I love my friends, my class and my house. Hugs to them, just because.

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Okay, this year is testimonial year. Therefore, this year just has to be the year that I screw up the most and everyone notices. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know any more. Tardiness seems to be the trend with me, and I hate it.

I hate it.

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And because Colorquiz rocks in a scary kind of way:

Your Existing Situation
Seeks to express the need for identification in a sensitive and intimate atmosphere where esthetic or emotional delicacy can be protected and nurtured.

Your Stress Sources
Has an unsatisfied need to ally herself with others whose standards are as high as her own, and to stand out from the herd. This desire for preeminence isolates her and inhibits her readiness to give herself freely. While she wants to surrender and let herself go, she regards this as a weakness which must be resisted. This self-restraint, she feels, will lift her above the rank and file and ensure recognition as a unique and distinctive personality.

Your Restrained Characteristics
Emotionally inhibited. Feels forced to compromise, making it difficult for her to form a stable emotional attachment.

Clings to her belief that her hopes and ideas are realistic, but needs encouragement and reassurance. Applies very exacting standards to her choice of a partner and wants guarantees against loss or disappointment.

Circumstances are restrictive and hampering, forcing her to forgo all joys and pleasures for the time being.

Your Desired Objective
Feels the existing circumstances are hostile and is exhausted by conflict and quarreling. Wishes to protect herself and hides her intentions to avoid exposing them to attack, so that they will be safer and easier to achieve. Careful to avoid stirring up any opposition which might endanger her plans.

Your Actual Problem
The unsatisfied desire to be respected, to stand out from amongst her friends, is causing some anxiety. As a result, normal gregariousness is suppressed and she refuses to allow herself to become involved, or to participate with others in their ordinary activities.