Someone needs to give me stress, or loads of things to do. Otherwise I won't do anything. You see, procastination works like this: You don't do work because that TV programme or that computer game is more urgent and important to that homework that seems so far away; you know you can do that homework pretty quickly, and why not finish this show first? And then you go on to another, and another, and another... until you realise that ahhh, you haven't got your work done! And then the importance and urgency of that homework takesover and gives you that stress you need to go do it!

And that is how I managed to stay up till 3 in the morning one day to finish all I had to do. Adding a bet to it helps too.

Sometimes I really feel like talking to my brother; the last talk we had was in 2002 I think. I just want a chat with him, not about anything in particular, just talking and laughing and being silly... Teasing him about girls, him teasing me about guys... 'Course, he gets really worked up when I mention anything about him talking to a girl on the phone, so that keeps me away a little...

But I think he's doing fine, maybe even better than me, and I know he can take care of himself, and I know he hasn't landed himself a girlfriend (I just like teasing him about it). He can handle what he's doing, and he deserves to go out with whoever he wants to (well, as long as it's not just him and a girl alone)... Ah what the hey. I should mind my own business.

I'd like someone to talk to. Someone I can depend on to be there by the phone when I need a chat, or someone to pour out everything to and hold it for me for a while. Someone whose schoolwork I won't butcher, whose life I won't waste with my pointless rantings...

I guess it won't happen, will it?

I should stop deluding myself. That I can sing, or that I'm relatively pretty, or that I can dance, or that I can act to land me a speaking role in a movie that I'm not directing. Doesn't confidence do wonders? Then how come it fails me whenever I try to be sure of myself? Maybe someone should tell me I am cut out for it, and I can make it, and really mean it.

*deep breath* One day I'll be rich and buy my mum a car. I'll get me my dream home by the water, with that huge library and home studio. I'll be happy as I try to be now. I'll do everything. I'll sing, dance, act, direct, produce, mix, cut, DJ, host, write, and win loads of awards. I'll travel the world and try to save it. I'll be silly all the time!

That's for one day, when it comes.

You ever wish, whether you're working or schooling, that you don't have to go home? So you can just work till as late as you want to, and have everything at your fingertips at your workplace or school, and never "forget to bring" anything? Travelling seems to be such a waste of time. I don't go anywhere much else other than school and home, and if I go out it's with my classmates, and to Orchard. I'd like to try boarding. Maybe it's the idea of living with friends. Like camping, just longer. You can do group projects late into the night. It'll be like sleeping over do to work. Yeah. I'd like to board.

I should stop angsting now. The math is sitting in front of me. I'd like to read an a1 fanfic. Ah... *serves chinese tea to everyone*