So when I watch something, I think about the effect it has on me, and how that was created. I wonder what it could mean, and I go "ahh" when I think I get it. And then I probably don't care much beyond that. I have no idea what happened between Bosnia and Serbia because I'm an ignorant shit, but I hate thinking about whether something was historically accurate. I don't fucking care about the message of the film and whether it's right or wrong, I'm only interested in how it's conveyed. I just want to let the film persuade me, let it take me in, let it tell me on its own. I don't want to think about what it says, I just want it to speak. And I will listen. And I don't care how fucking screwed up it is, I just want to feel how the story is told.

I don't know if it's making sense. Maybe you are shaking your head or rolling your eyes and thinking but you can't do just that... but then it'll be you I can't answer when you ask so what did you think because I'm scared of what you think of what I think.

Perhaps I've just figured out that personally, the impact, the effect on me is what's most important.

Perhaps it's easier to focus on just that.

And perhaps watching something without having background knowledge helps because I really don't want to think about the film in the context of what it's supposed to be.

As opposed to what it already is.

*

I hear you whisper in the corner
she's so screwed up she will
never become a director she can forget
about that Oscar what the hell
is she thinking how
can she ever make films?