I'm back from my first cheerleading practice. I was quite unhappy lah, but it was probably due to a mix of different things... I felt like I didn't fit in, I was frustrated with myself for not being able to remember the dance, and then later I felt so sorry to Izzy and Xin Ting because they stayed back to help with the Buckle video and they couldn't do anything because there weren't computers available. I felt so bad for making them waste their time... Anyway, cheerleading... Heck, I'm not even sure of their names! And in case it sounds like it, I didn't expect to be happy and for it to be fun and all. Come to think about it, I didn't expect anything much; I probably didn't think about it a lot.

I find I need to have some kind of authority in a group before I can enjoy myself, you know. In the case of cheerleading, I am completely new to it, and I find I cannot be mad and silly with them. If I am a senior, or a leader in the group, then I can entertain them and everyone can have lots of fun... It's just me and me like that.

I went around HMV after practice but they didn't have Paul's CD either. Sorry dear, I'll try to find it soon.

After that I took a taxi home because I felt like it. It cost close to 10 bucks but I didn't really care. I don't know how to describe what I'm feeling now, but I know it isn't happy. I want chocolate.