not yet 18, wish I were 21

I spent most of today writing and rehearsing my oral presentation for Percomm class, and then not doing awesome at it. Would I be cocky if I expected better from myself? I wanted to do an A-job, I really did, and I don't think I was amazing. It probably was alright, I'll give myself that, but I don't feel happy settling for less than one of the best.

Presentations slowly ate into the time I needed to cab down to the Arts House to watch this month's Madhatter show, and went on even further to 8.30pm. I spent a fucking 2.5 hours in a hard plastic chair watching presentations and getting more and more upset that I wasn't going to be able to see the Madhatters. I really wanted to.

...I really really did, because this month's show had such a fun fun fun new game, and a new guy performing, and I really wanted to see how all that worked out. It was Valentine's themed, so of course they'd have Opera as their finale, which I bet was a blast. Alison was such a doll about asking me to go, too.

Sigh.

You don't know how much I want to do improv. You don't know how much I want the courage to just stand up and jump in and take all the risks (and then some) if they ever ask me to join in any game again. You don't know how much I want to learn to do accents, or think faster, or be funnier. The stage is a nervewrecking thing, and you don't know how much I want to conquer it.

I read part of a book called Step By Step To Stand-Up Comedy, or something like that. Philip borrowed it. It taught you how to write jokes, really technically. It's quite interesting. I was actually looking for Impro by Keith Johnstone, but that was the closest thing to it that caught my eye.

Anyway. I felt quite awful after presentations, because I thought I did mediocre, and I couldn't get to my source of comfort without wasting cab money for the last 10 minutes of the show. Oh the irony. I'd said in my presentation that "I've been to every single show since last March" and I didn't get to go for this one. Anyway so Andrea, Stella, Evie, Fysh, Bernie, Iylia and I went to Pizza Hut for dinner, where I tried to feel less horrible about things.

I said this before, and I'll say it again, this group of people are awesome hilarious. They never fail to make me laugh and pick me up, if only for a while. I love their company because honestly... it is full of crap. If you add Philip, then add Sue Anne and add Fysh asking her Plaza questions, then add Sharan and add booze to Sharan... total mayhem. It's freakin' awesome.

So many things to do. I wish this semester would be over now. Fuck, my life seems to revolve around grades. My life is fun, but it's still about grades. It's like... trying to get a perfect score at 02Jam, trying not to break the streak combo.

...

I want to make this film, based on something Andrea told me. She'd watched a UWC production where during the intermission, the band played, and this guy just did an impromptu trumpet solo. When he had nothing left to play, he stopped, shrugged and sat down, to tumultuous applause. She said that you probably wouldn't get that in something Singaporean, because we always have to do things right and present things in some sort of strict scripted sense. Because we can't ever improvise and be flexible and spontaneous. We could get in trouble for it. There is no room for experimentation or mistakes. No room for creativity.

Where is our spontaneity, really?

Schools should all do improv. It is Good For The Soul.